The Vampire Arrests – An Inside Story

[Morrigan]

Three arrests were made on Saturday night in relation to events during the exciting opening night of “Our Little Secret”; those of the proprietress, New Zealand’s first publically self-proclaimed Vampire, Ms Ashley-Dawn Delacroix, the giant Mr Bryce Green and Mr Aaron Hammerstein.

The night began amusingly, with the shouting of protesters and Vampire wannabes marring attempts at a spectacular red-carpet opening. Once inside things were quieter, but this was merely a lull before the events to follow.

The guests on the evening were an unusual collection, with celebrities such as Julia Townsend mingling with alleged drug pushers such as Hammerstein, the flamboyantly attired “Count Dracula” to those pushing the boundaries such as a barefoot “Russian Vampire” named Veles.

A couple of the guests, “Veles” and “Achilles” also claimed to be Vampires and as later events show, there would seem to be no reason to doubt their claims. It appears that there were many other alleged Vampires also present including Julia Townsend, Vetia Cavendish, two of the security guards 'Harry' and Bryce Green, "Count Dracula” and Dr Brooks. It would appear that Vampires are more common than any of us have been led to believe.


'Count Dracula' on the red carpet.


Vetia Cavendish revealed herself to be a vampire on the red carpet

The night was disrupted by an unconscious woman being carried outside by Mr Green, an invasion of vermin including rats & insects, followed closely by Malcolm Riley setting off a fire alarm seemingly in an attempt to provide a distraction.

During the confusion this reporter was able to follow the giant security guard carrying the now struggling woman outside, where, with the aid of other concerned members of the public and the prompt and efficient New Zealand Police her removal from the scene against her will was prevented.

An on the spot drunken interview revealed a sordid and disturbing tale of abduction, eco-terrorism and vampiric powers of weather control. As arrests have been made with regards to these allegations, the Herald is unable to reveal the full story at this time however it is understood that Malcom Riley is also implicated. The following photographs show the injuries suffered by the complainant.

<Shots of the injuries, rope burns and bruises, face not shown, no identifying marks>

It appears that Vampires are far more dangerous than they would like to have us believe. If they are able to influence the minds of the public, this would explain how they have managed to go unnoticed in our society for this length of time. In this reporter’s view and taking into consideration the uncertain legal status of Vampires the sooner a voluntary census of Vampires is drawn up and enforced, the better.